So, ask any pregnant woman: the last few weeks of pregnancy suck. You’re the biggest you’re going to be, you’re probably swollen, you feel so full of baby you could burst, you feel ugly pretty much all the time, you don’t really have an appetite, people are literally asking you several times a day whether you’ve gone into labor yet (spoiler alert: no). There’s the disappointment of getting up to pee three times in the middle of the night and not having your water break any of those times, haha. For me, I’ve also been having pretty real-feeling contractions for three weeks and this kid’s head is already so far down in my junk, I swear I feel like I’m sitting on him.
So here’s where I am:
How Pregnant: 39 weeks, 5 days
Due Date: March 23 (I know, I know, but Holden was born at 39 weeks, so sue me for seeking the same release.)
Cm Dilated: Three (3), as of yesterday
Cervical Status: “Thick”
- She stripped my membranes yesterday, which is where she uses her finger to separate the amniotic sac from the bottom of the uterus (feels just as good as it sounds), in the hopes of stirring up hormones to help the cervix progress.
- She said his head is “right there”—uh yeah, I know it is.
- My cervix is not yet effacing so she told me to walk and bounce to move it along.
- I have another OB appointment on Monday, where I will have a Non-Stress Test (NST) and a check of my amniotic fluid levels. From there we’ll figure out what happens next.
I’m not one of those women who glows during her pregnancy or feels like a gorgeous earth goddess. I’m not nesting. My house is like Crazy Town—Holden’s terrible twos have decided to come early and Sally (the dog) is so protective of me that she sits guard in front of me while I pee. So yeah, I’ve been doing stuff to try to get this kid moving and get us out of Pre-Baby Purgatory.
and so, I present…
Stuff that does not work to induce labor:
- Having the doctor strip your membranes
- Spicy food: Mexican, curry, triple-chili powder chocolate cupcakes
- Third trimester tea
- Pedicures/foot massages
- Labor Cookies
- Scrubbing the floor on your hands and knees
- Sweeping the floor
- Bouncing on a large ball
- Walking miles and miles
- Running on an elliptical
- “The thing that got you into trouble in the first place”
- Anything to do with your nipples
- Evening Primrose Oil
- Jumping off the bottom step
- Squats and lunges
- Full moons
- Walking miles and miles
I’ve been told eating Eggplant Parmesan works and a friend gave me a recipe for meatloaf that she swears induced both of her labors, so maybe I’ll give those a shot. But otherwise, I guess I’m going to put a fork in these ridiculous experiments. I’ll still continue to walk and bounce on that damn ball, though.
I’ve felt all along that this baby is going to be a sweetie, so maybe he’s just that content to hang out inside me until his time comes. Maybe he’s a little mama’s boy in the making. Maybe he’ll be that chill in real life? (Doubtful, I’m sure.)
In the meantime, I’ll continue to enjoy being part of a terrible twosome, even if this little miss has been driving me a bit batty these past few weeks.